This blog discusses the development of inner listening as a skill that supports us throughout our life. Is hearing the same thing as listening? Working with the breath technique of ujjayi can support our ability in listening from the inside out.
Yesterday, I was enjoying my 3 mile walk around Austin’s Lady Bird Lake when from behind me I heard the sound of a child crying. Without looking, I tuned in to the sound and observed it’s pitch, volume and repetitive nature. It was clear that this cry was one of tiredness, hunger and some need was not getting met. This was not a cry of physical pain or fear. His mom was pushing one stroller with a baby while his dad pushed him in the other stroller. After a few moments of this continual crying, and after his mom had asked him if he was okay, his mom said, “Stop it! Nobody wants to hear that!” Did it help? Nope, the crying continued. I felt compassion in that moment for their little family as they juggled getting exercise and taking care of their kids.
As an observer, I love this teachable moment.
Is hearing the same thing as listening? And how do we begin to develop our listening?
Try this short awareness exercise:
Take a moment to sit down without media and clutter distractions around you, close your eyes and bring your awareness to your right big toe without looking. Keep your attention there for a minute. Gradually, you may notice sensation in that area of the body. That’s awareness, friends! And wherever we place our attention, prana (life force) flows.
Now, close your eyes and see if you can tune into the directional flow of your breath. Does the breath feel accessible or elusive? My experience of teaching people to work with breath is that it can be much harder to connect to breath versus the anatomy (muscles, bones, and joints). Yet the breath is where we can develop and refine our inner listening as well as influence our vagus nerve and nervous system.
The breath technique of valving at the throat or ujjayi is a fabulous tool for helping people connect to the breath, thus making it more accessible. This technique of breathing uses a constriction or “valving” at the throat. My mentor, Chase Bossart taught me to learn to feel the throat “area” by whispering.
Try this: Finding ujjayi
Place two fingers on your voicebox and laugh or talk out loud. You can feel the vibration created during this process. Now, place two fingers of both hands on either side of the voicebox and whisper. Whisper. You can even look in a mirror to do this. There is a tightening of the muscles and a slight upward lift.
Ujjayi uses the sound of Ah on inhale. The breath is drawn in through the nose (with the mouth completely closed) but the attention stays at the throat as the whispering sound of “ah” is created. Exhale uses the whispering sound of “Hah” as the breath moves out of the system. Now, we have created a sound connecting to the breath as well as using this technique of valving or constricting the flow of breath with the intention to lengthen the breath and direct it’s flow in the body. Beautiful!
Sit with your breath and practice ujjayi. Use a soft sound of AH and HAH versus a loud sound. Feel how the breath becomes more accessible to follow. Be sure to breath in and out through your nose, mouth closed, but keep awareness at the throat.
When we can become more consciously connected to something as subtle as breath, the process of listening (not hearing) develops. LIstening relies on tapping into that inner G.P.S. or interoception and operating not from what we hear but from what we feel. I find it fascinating to watch people who are non-hearing or deaf communicate with each other. They have to make great eye contact, watch what is being communicated with expression to convey meaning of different contexts/words and wait until there is understanding before responding back. Even though they can’t hear, they are listening.
I recommend an amazing movie called “Hector and the Search for Happiness” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_2mgTYdth0w. The main character is a burned out, quirky psychiatrist who goes on an international journey to research what brings people happiness. His job is to listen and yet he often finds himself doodling during sessions and lacks presence with his patients. Hector draws and writes down insights in a journal along the way based on his adventures and interactions with individuals, communities, and cultures. In a profound scene of helping a terminal ill woman on a flight, he leans in to be with her both physically and emotionally listening deeply to her story during the flight. After the plane has landed and she is on a stretcher receiving medical care…she tells him “Thank you” and “Listening is Loving.” It’s a beautiful moment as he realizes the sutra like teaching in his search for happiness.
Learning to listen is how we build connection. It starts with ourselves and then we can learn to be more present with others.
learning to listen into your knowing